Terasa

Sangat sayu melihat darah mengalir, nyawa bagai mainan, senjata jadi hidangan, akal yang Allah SWT kurnia, sia-sia. Saat ini, dikesusahan ini, hanya doa dikirim, pujian dihambur, harapan menjulang langit, agar semua indah tidak dicemar, aman tak diancam, wawasan dikucup, mimpi ini tak dikejut. Ya, baru sekarang, tika pagar demokrasi dan diplomasi direntas, kau dipuja agar dapat menjadi tempat berteduh. Baru sekarang. Dulu? Kau dimaki, "Anjing","Babi". Jauh sekali nak berkirim doa, apa lagi nak diutus kata semangat dan perangsang. Kau dikata makan duit haram, memeras untuk melicin. Apa ni? Kau juga dikecam, tidak punya peranan, tidak relevan, paling jijik, Takde Kerja Ke? Sekarang, orang digelar Babi Anjing ni yang memacak tubuh membiar dada dirobek. Agar yang tidur tak terjaga, yang membeli belah pulang senyum, yang mencaci? Akan terus menaip dan mencaci. Mungkin hanya segelintir, yang sudi menoleh, mengukir senyum, menghargai. Medan perang mereka bukan hanya di hutan, di sempadan, di perbatasan. Medan perang mereka adalah di setiap langkah, di setiap inci penjuru, disetiap nafas. Kau sanggup nak bertaruh nyawa yang satu itu untuk memanjangkan nafas orang lain? Mereka memang dibayar untuk meletakkan nyawa mereka sebagai pertaruhan. Rezeki mereka adalah kuderat yang mereka tumpahkan, disetiap larian, setiap tembakan, setiap pukulan. Kau? Hanya menanti, melihat, menunggu kecacatan, agar dapat mereka kau maki dengan pedang papan kekunci itu. Aku hidup dengan nafas mereka, aku membesar dengan bau peluh mereka, aku terdidik dengan tengking berang mereka. Dah lama aku faham, sebab itu aku tak pernah memaksa, biar dia dikeji, di caci. Timbul rasa marah, tapi aku percaya, suatu hari nanti, seperti kala ini, kamu semua akan jilat air liur yang kamu ludah. Mungkin hanya untuk tempoh yang singkat, mungkin sekelip mata, kau kembali mencaci, hanya kerana berbeza ideologi, nyawa mereka kembali dipandang sebelah mata, tak bernilai. Aku yakin akan kemampuanmu tanpa prejudis, kekalutan ini akan berakhir, dan langau-langau itu akan kembali menghurung.  Semoga selamat semua, dilindungi dari marabahaya, terus memartabat maruah bangsa, biar apa depa nak kata, disisi Allah kau mulia. 

High Hill

Overwhelming. I should say. I been in a world that no barriers holdings. Or, they just plain don't care about the walls that built to protect. As a matter of fact, its an experience that anyone, perhaps, desire to be in. As for myself, it does tickle. A lot. My brain couldn't stop dreaming. Dreaming of something that I've never ever think i could get to. It makes me realize what an enormous world that haven't been explore. At this state, I just play it simple, ready for anything. Because I know, its a Big, Big, Big world out there. We don't know what awaits us tomorrow, in future. As far as i'm concerned, my life is OK, just OK. I think. Plenty to run for. A lot to catch up. If there's an earthquake, its fine. I'll live. Happiness is created. Its created. I'll choose to be OK. Until then...

Spark

Every time her eyes meets mine, I can see courage, hard fought to belief, that future is at stake, happiness to be destined, alongside me. Is this torture? I believe its not. Its a test of resilient. Just in case we hit rock bottom, there's always path hidden underneath the rockiness. I hope...i don't want to..i want to believe, that this is the right way. I wont set any bar, but for certain, my heart sparkling, and i know, when it does, I could conquer this mountain obstacle. Happy it is, happy it will then. There are no great life to be told without any failure, there aren't. But something for certain, the effort that been put in is all that matters, the end result could differ. I'm loving it, i'm loving you, and if there's any let down, i'm not saying that I want it, but i'm just telling that i'm all ready to face it, which makes me very gentle in touching the skin so that no damage that cause bleeding.

Doubt.

Ya Allah, Ikhlaskanlah aku. What's wrong with my brain? Is there something wrong with my liver? It is the right thing to do, yes. But why i felt something wrong when i don't even get 1/10 from the pie? Its not like i'm asking for something heavy, just a small portion, just a bit, just a taste of sweetness to remove all this, disturbance, grudge, uneasiness. Why did i kept thinking bout this? There's so many unresolved matters, unanswered questions. Ya Allah, Ikhlaskanlah aku.

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah Lagi Maha Mengasihani,

Katakanlah Dia adalah Allah, Maha Esa. Allah itu tempat pergantungan. Dia tidak beranak dan tidak diperanakkan. Dan Tiada setara denganNya, seorang pun.

Identity

For all this 25 years of inhaling H2O, only now, I realize, I don’t have any. That’s the reasons why my surrounding easily being ignorance while i am or not around. Fuhh. I don’t have any. What am i thinking? I just tried to blend, assimilate. I’m poor in self-believe. What should I do? Get one? What I’m having now cannot be considered as one? Where should I find it? Its already 26 years coming June. Its far too late. I pick up piece by piece during this 25 already. What I take actually not mine. It doesn't fit. And now, I couldn't even drop a tear. Even worst come to worst, I just couldn't. Who took it from me, my tears? All I have is fire, that I put off since 17. Why is it light up again? Owh God, give me back what’s mine, if not, give a fresh one, an identity.

Plastic

This "meat" doesn't taste anything. Everything taste, unusual. Why? Where's the sweetness? Where's saltiness? Where awesomeness? Is it been cooked by someone else? i don't recalled that. She's the same. But why it taste different? Maybe its a fake, fake meat, fake sugar, fake salt, or fake all of it. I can't taste anything. I forced myself to finished up. Not a regular me, who consume like a running river. But why is it so hard for me accept all this changes? My body feeling weird days and night. Its like been altered, been implanted with..I don't know. I just felt something is very wrong. Is my great cook don't want to prepare delicacy for anymore? Is it? Owh, she had another customer, whose filled with praises, good perfect lovely tidy looking, who appreciates her verbally, who treat her nicely the way she most deserves. Umm. Yes, its different, the way my body speaking, and the way his eye talking, his mouth praising. Why? After long years of loyalty, returning back without any questions, accepting without ever complaining. Yet, maybe its not enough. Its never enough. Because the world is growing, growing old, same goes to needs, the world is just not enough. If its not end this time around, there will be another bloodshed, another heartbreak. Should i knocking on the next door? I won't. I'm just going to kill if i went. I'll just stay. Waiting outside. Hopefully my lovely cook will remember me. Just to be remembered. I hope I can taste great meat again and not plastic.

Winter

Its cold out here. I can't even felt my blood running through my vein. Less planning, nowhere to go. Everything covered with white snowy sadness. I felt empty, dead to be precise. O summer, please come quick, i need your warmth, I need your shine, i need your smile. O sun, burst your light, punch your heat, so that i can be alive. O God, only you, to whom I seek belief, to You I floored my head to, I seek forgiveness and repent, give me a chance to live my life to the fullest, give me Your will to be alongside my dearest, to be warmth, to feel like to-get-her, to be Love. I begged You, the Most Gracious, The Most Merciful.